WHEN ANGER WINS
Upside Down Living
August 16-20, 2004

You have heard that the law of Moses says, 'Do not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment'. But I say, if you are angry with someone, you are subject to judgment!

Matthew 5:21-22 (NLT)

One of the ways Jesus was a radical was in his focus on a person's heart being in accordance with God's word, as opposed to the religious leaders of the time, who focused on complying with the law. Jesus said our anger can subject us to judgment as much as an act like murder will. Our own experiences demonstrate the devastating impact anger can have on us and those we love. While there is a place for righteous anger, Jesus warned us about destructive, unrighteous anger. Some people falsely assume Christians don't get angry but anger is inevitable.

To avoid anger completely we would have to isolate ourselves from the world. We can list many things, big and small, that trigger our anger each day. How we deal with anger can lead to harm and sin or to healing and a greater compassion for others. People tend to either explode in anger or implode by holding anger in. Neither way is healthy or true to God’s word. Destructive anger damages others and ourselves. We can't stop our anger but we can tame it. To tame our anger, we must first name it and admit it, not deny it. Once we recognize our anger for the negative force it is, we must delay expressing it so we don't damage others.

Only by being still before God and being filled with Him can we delay our anger. We must learn from our anger so that we don't repeat it and so we don't pass it on to our families. We must ask why we are angry and not focus on the trigger of the anger. God can heal us of the fear and hurt that is the root of our anger, but only if we give Him the chance to do so.

MONDAY

1. NAME IT... "I DO THIS SO I CAN MOVE FORWARD AND GROW AND CHANGE."

[Your Objective: People typically express anger in two ways; internal and external. Help the group learn to acknowledge anger so it can be controlled.]

How does 2 Kings 2:23-24 say Elisha reacted to the treatment he received?

  • Elisha's response was external. What are some other common external responses to anger?
  • Elisha was alone minding his own business. What are some situations where anger occurs unexpectedly?
  • The result of Elisha's anger was extreme. What are some of the consequences of anger?

Fellowship (Membership) - The two types of anger we have are both very damaging to others. Whether anger is external with verbal and physical responses or internal with hurtful expressions or reactions, it is harmful to people. What are some of the ways the group can help each member identify their weaknesses toward anger and make better choices in the future?

TUESDAY

2. DELAY IT... "I DO THIS SO I DON'T DAMAGE OTHERS."

[Your Objective: Learn ways to delay anger and change your heart by spending time with God.]

What does Proverbs 17:28 say about remaining silent?

  • Words can be like a switchblade knife if you don't delay speaking them. They spring out and stab others. How can we delay speaking impulsively when we feel anger?
  • How is remaining silent different from giving someone "the silent treatment"?

WEDNESDAY

What is wise behavior and what is foolish behavior, according to Proverbs 29:11?

  • Nonverbal anger can be worse, especially when it leads to violence. What are some ways that we can delay giving someone an angry look or acting out our anger in a violent manner?
  • Delaying anger does not mean denying we feel anger. How can we change the urge to lash out into a feeling of compassion and love towards the people we initially felt angry towards?

THURSDAY

What does Psalm 46:10 say is the result of being still?

  • Two ways to avoid anger completely are:
    1. Become a monk
    2. Spend time with God
  • Spending time with God was the reason the monks separated themselves from the world, but is this realistic for us? How can we stay in the world, but not be overcome by the anger in the world?
  • God can change a person's heart so the selfish, short-fused nature we get from spending time in the world can be healed by God. How might we find ways to spend more time with God so more of His nature comes out when we deal with others?
  • How would you imagine Jesus would deal with situations that would make us angry?

What results from praying and telling your needs to God in Philippians 4:6-7?

  • Why do you think people are reluctant to tell their every need to God?
  • When you spend a lot of time with someone you tend to become like them. How do you think spending more time with God would change people's attitude and actions towards others?
  • How would you describe what it would be like to fully experience God's Peace?

Worship (Magnification) - Spending time with God is a form of worship. Trusting Him with every aspect of life pleases God. Ask God to help you delay your anger and bring all your needs and decisions to Him. Practice praying about even the small things and see what God will do to change your heart and bring you His Peace.

FRIDAY

3. LEARN FROM IT... "I DO THIS SO I DON'T CONTINUE TO DAMAGE OTHERS AND LIVE A DESTRUCTIVE LIFE."

[Your Objective: Focus on learning and questioning the sources of our anger.]

Read Psalm 4:3-4. What should believers do first when we have allowed anger to express itself?

  • Why is prayer a good first step? Whose attitude might it change?
  • What do Psalm 4:3-4 and Ephesians 4:26-27 say about how our anger can turn to sin?

What three other things does Psalm 4:4 advise us to do when angry?

  • If we don't ask ourselves "why" we are angry, who might instinctively be blamed for our anger?
  • What are some possible deep-down causes of people's angry feelings?
  • To whom or where can people go to get help for destructive anger?

Discipleship (Maturity) - God loves us so much. If we spend time with God in prayer He will remove the fear and anger. God will even turn our anger into compassion. We have the choice to turn each instance of anger into a learning and growing experience. Remember - how we express our anger is a choice. How much better if we turn our anger over to God. Think of a time when you were angry. Discuss how you could have handled the experience differently according to what Psalm 4:3-4 teaches. What will you do the next time such feelings arise?