What Destroys Relationships And What Builds Them?
40 Days of Community - Part 3
October 25-29, 2004

Christ makes us one body and individuals who are connected to each other.

Romans 12:5 (GW)

The 40 Days of Community series is about deepening a sense of community within our church and reaching out to the community around us, because we need other people in our lives to fulfill God's purposes for us. The Bible tells us in the verse above that Christ connects us to each other, but we know it is easy to get disconnected. Relationships are inherently difficult because of differences in personalities and backgrounds, and disagreements are inevitable. People typically do not understand why their own relationships go bad. Small groups are important because they teach us how to get along, and we rarely learn this elsewhere. We can use what we learn in our small group to improve our relationships in friendships, family, marriage, and careers. In God's Word, we can see that there are four attitudes that destroy relationships. Here we will discuss these four enemies of community that are the basis of every relational problem in life, and consider the antidotes to each of them.

MONDAY

SELFISHNESS DESTROYS RELATIONSHIPS; SELFLESSNESS BUILDS THEM

[Your Objective: Realize how serving others through ministry can build selflessness.]

What does James 4:1-2 say is the cause of fights?

According to Proverbs 28:25, what is the result of greed or pride?

  • Why didn't God create everyone to be unselfish?
  • Why is it so easy to be selfish with the people closest to you?

What does Philippians 2:4 warn us about?

  • Why is truly listening an act of selflessness?

What is the lesson of sowing and reaping taught in Galatians 6:8?

  • Why would the #1 lesson in life be learning to be unselfish?
  • What is an example of "responding" to God instead of to others?

How does Galatians 5:16 say that living by God's Spirit will help?

  • How do you know whether or not God's Spirit is motivating your selflessness? What else could motivate it?

Ministry - In ministry we administer God's grace by using our talents and gifts to benefit others. What selfless activity could you undertake with your small group during the next month that would build your own group's relationships? Could the same activity build relationships in the community as well?

TUESDAY

PRIDE DESTROYS RELATIONSHIPS; HUMILITY BUILDS THEM

[Your Objective: Challenge yourself to overcome pride with humility.]

What does Proverbs 13:10 say pride or insolence leads to?

  • Think of the last argument you had. In what way did pride play a part?
  • How might humility have turned it around?

According to Proverbs 16:18, what precedes destruction?

  • If pride were to grow out of control, what can it destroy?

In what ways does 1 Peter 3:8 say we should live?

  • Think of an example of how you can apply one of the ways to your small group.
  • 1 Peter 3:8 talks about the concept of harmony and not of unison. What is the difference between harmony and unison?

Philippians 2:3-6 discusses humility. Who had this characteristic?

  • What does it mean to be humble?
  • How was Jesus humble?
  • How can we emulate the humility of Jesus?

Fellowship (Membership) - Pride is often a problem we cannot see in ourselves even though others can. We all have been prideful in our small group at some time. Examples are trying to "top" another person's story, give advice but not ask for advice, or not open up about having a bad week. Partner with someone in your group and ask that person how you can be a more humble contributor to your group.

WEDNESDAY

INSECURITY DESTROYS RELATIONSHIPS; LOVE BUILDS THEM

[Your Objective: Overcome our insecurities that destroy our relationships and choose love to build relationships.]

According to Proverbs 29:25, what disables or ensnares us?

  • How do people tend to act when they are insecure and have fear in their hearts?
  • What do we gain when we face our fears and insecurities?

In Genesis 3:10, what did Adam do when he was afraid?

  • Why do we hide what we are afraid of?
  • It is often easier to face fear together with others. Who can people ask to help them overcome their fears?

According to 1 John 4:18, what casts out or expels all fear?

  • What is in example of the kind of insecurity God's love can overcome?
  • Why can't fear and love exist at the same time in your heart?

Read John 4:15-17. As we abide in God and God abides in us, what happens to our love?

  • How does realizing God's love overcome insecurities?
  • What fears or insecurities hinder us from sharing or opening up to others?
  • What typically helps us to open up or reach out to others?

Evangelism (Mission) - Discuss with a spiritual partner or small group any fears you have in sharing the good news of God's love for us. Think of a person God has kept close to your heart and who does not yet know the love of God. Then, make and share a plan to take time to build a loving relationship with that person. When an opportunity arises, share with that person how Jesus changed your life and helped you overcome your insecurities.

THURSDAY

RESENTMENT DESTROYS RELATIONSHIPS; FORGIVENESS BUILDS THEM

[Your Objective: Understand that forgiveness heals the effects of resentment.]

According to Job 5:2, what is foolish and senseless?

  • What are examples of resentment causing us to worry?
  • How can a small group or spiritual partner help?

Psalm 73:21-22 tells us the results of an embittered heart. What are they?

  • What are examples of each of these results?
  • Why should we be open with each other in this matter?

In what way does the Lord say to help each other in Hebrews 12:15? What reason does He give us to watch out for each other?

  • Why should we not ignore personality clashes such as those in a small group?
  • What are some of the "little things" that create resentments in real life?
  • Why do we tend to have the most resentment with the people we love most?

Why did Jesus save us according to Titus 3:3-7?

  • How are we to follow His example?
  • Why does He want us to follow his example?
  • What is the solution to being unable to forgive someone?

In Colossians 3:13, what things does Paul tell us to do in relation to grievances with each other?

  • What are some examples of making allowances for each other?
  • What barriers can there be to making these allowance for each other? What steps can we take to overcome the barriers?

In Isaiah 43:18-19, the Lord tells as to forget the past. What reason does He give us?

  • What are examples where our expectations for our future are different than God's plans?
  • What actions can we take to put us in tune with God's plans for our future?

Discipleship (Maturity) - To forget and forgive is a sign of becoming like Christ in character. Examine your life to determine if you are a mature Christian in this respect. What is the first step you need to take toward becoming more like Christ in this area?

FRIDAY

PERSONAL APPLICATION AND COMMITMENT:

[Your Objective: Make specific plans to address your most important relationship issues by relying on Christ.]

First, select a spiritual partner with whom you can be honest, supportive, and open to support. Look into your heart and consider:

  • With whom is it most important that you be more unselfish?
  • With whom are you being too critical or judgmental?
  • In what respect are you afraid of being real with others?
  • Who do you need to forgive?

Discuss your answers with your spiritual partner, and commit to specific action plans in each area. All the antidotes to these problems are found in Jesus, and we will experience greater relational fulfillment and joy as we become more like Christ. Ask Christ now to come into your life and fill you with His relationship-building love.