How to Be a Dad Your Kids Will Love
Use It or Lose It - Part 3
June 27 - July 1, 2005

Therefore be imitators of God [copy Him and follow His example], as well-beloved children [imitate their father]. And walk in love, [esteeming and delighting in one another] as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us...

Ephesians 5:1-2a (Amplified)

Of all life's challenging assignments, none is greater than parenting. Nothing else comes close to demanding the energy required for this role. It's not an accident that we call its beginning "labor"! No matter what we expect in the beginning, we soon realize our theories were wrong. As parents, God asks us to: 1) prepare our kids for life; 2) protect our kids in storms; 3) play with our kids for fun; and 4) point our kids to God. The problem is, about the time we've got it figured out - they're gone. Parenting doesn't last that long. Truth is: YOU ONLY HAVE A BRIEF WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY.

God offers us five principles for success in any relationship, whether we are dads, moms, siblings, friends or colleagues. Let's look at them together and discuss how God would have us apply them in our lives - while that window is open.

MONDAY

1. ACCEPT THEIR UNIQUENESS.

[Your Objective: Learn to accept our children and others as the individuals God made them to be.]

What does Proverbs 22:6 tell us regarding how to train a child?

  • How can we as parents discover and build upon the unique strengths of our children? What might be the consequences of trying to form our children into our likeness rather than building upon his or her special talents and gifts?
  • Children should be allowed to enjoy an "age of innocence." How can we make sure that our children are exposed to life as it becomes age-appropriate for him or her?

According to 1 Corinthians 12:6 how does God work through different people?

  • Why is it so important to accept and appreciate the uniqueness of each individual? What may happen if parents attempt to use the same approach to rearing different children?

Read Galatians 6:4. What does this verse tell us about comparing ourselves with others?

  • What may happen to the God-given uniqueness of an individual when he or she begins to judge their value and worth in comparison to others?

What lesson regarding love do we learn in 1 Corinthians 13:5?

  • God in His sovereign wisdom created each of us according to His plan. What do we need to do to honor that plan in our children's lives?

Fellowship - When God accepts us into His family, He does not ask us to change first. He has created each one of us as unique human beings, with gifts, abilities and a custom-designed personality. As His children, we need to show that same level of acceptance to others. Who in your group or in your life needs to receive this aspect of God's love? Identify that person and ask God to break down any wall that separates you. Commit to following His lead.

TUESDAY

2. AFFIRM THEIR VALUE.

[Your Objective: Discover practical ways to affirm the value of others.]

How is our value to God described in Matthew 10:29, 31?

  • What does this verse say about the level of intimacy God desires to have with us?

According to Psalm 139:13-14, what was God's involvement in the creation of you? What is the expression of thanks?

  • God sees us as "wonderfully" made. Why do so many in our society not see themselves in this way?

How Does Our Heavenly Father Do It?

To what level of detail does God pay attention to us, in Matthew 10:30? How is God's affection displayed in Hosea 11:4?

  • You cannot count the hairs on someone's head without getting close to that person and placing your hand on them. How can we give others our attention in a way that brings us close to them and affirms their value?
  • What are some practical ways we can use physical touch to show godly affection to our loved ones?

From God's perspective, how are we viewed, according to Isaiah 43:4?

  • Precious, honored and loved... this makes us feel valued. If it is true that we reap what we sow, how can we go about sowing these feelings in others if we are not feeling precious, honored and loved?

What does Proverbs 12:25 say is the result of an encouraging word?

  • Share some examples of how an encouraging word helped you or how your encouraging word helped someone else.

Worship (Magnification) - When we affirm others' value through paying attention, showing affection and expressing appreciation, we are magnifying God because the Bible says this is how He affirms our value. Who do you know that needs this from you? Don't wait to feel valuable before affirming others. Take the mindset of reaping and sowing, and as you commit to sowing these attributes, trust God that He will honor your obedience and bless you with the very feelings you are expressing.

WEDNESDAY

3. TRUST THEM WITH RESPONSIBILITIES.

[Your Objective: Learn that we grow through responsibility.]

What are we responsible for, according to Galatians 6:5?

  • How does a lack of responsibility promote affect our conduct?
  • Is it a sign of rejection when we do not give others responsibilities? Why?

Read Luke 16:10 and 12. What does Jesus say about those who cannot be trusted with things belonging to someone else?

  • When raising our children, why is it important fors to remember that Jesus taught growth through responsibility?
  • What are some areas in which we can give our children, or those around us, more responsibility? How do you see responsibility helping them to grow?

Evangelism (Mission) - We are called to teach our children and nonbelievers about Jesus Christ. Although it may be scary, this calling includes trusting them with responsibility. The goal of giving others responsibility is so they can grow and prosper. Jesus left the salvation of the world in the hands of twelve men. Think about that for a minute. This was a huge responsibility! Jesus taught that if you give people an opportunity, they often rise to the occasion. How are you going to follow Jesus' teachings?

THURSDAY

4. CORRECT WITHOUT CONDEMING.

[Your Objective: Learn how to lovingly discipline our children.]

According to Proverbs 19:18, how are we failing our children if we do not discipline them?

  • Why is it often difficult for us to discipline our children?
  • If we do not correct our children, how are we setting them up for failure?

What does Proverbs 13:24 say about those who love their children?

  • How is discipline a loving behavior?

To correct without condemning: 1) Do not correct in anger; 2) Watch your words

Read Ephesians 4:29 and Ephesians 6:4. How can these verses guide us in disciplining our children?

  • How can anger and critical words turn children away from God's guidance in their lives? How do they plant seeds of rebellion in our children's hearts?
  • In what ways do children grow from discipline administered in love?

Discipleship (Maturity) - As parents, it is our responsibility to bring children up in the training and instruction of the Lord. By disciplining our children, we are helping them to grow just as God helps us to grow (read Proverbs 3:12). Discipline is a tool to guide our children toward God in love, not away from Him in anger. Practice correcting without condemning this week and report your success or failure at a future meeting.

FRIDAY

5. LOVE THEM UNCONDITIONALLY.

[Your Objective: Understand the importance and power of unconditional love.]

What does Ephesians 4:32 tell us about forgiveness?

  • How does forgiveness demonstrate unconditional love? What lessons do we teach our children and others when we demonstrate our love through genuine forgiveness?

According to 1 Corinthians 13:7 what are the limits of love? What does Isaiah 54:10 tell us about God's love for us?

  • How can we communicate our unconditional love to our children and others? What happens to a relationship when love becomes conditional?

Ministry - Unconditional love is easier to comprehend than to practice. We all have experienced failures and need someone who won't give up on us. Who needs to be ministered to through your unconditional love? In what way can you express your love? Don't wait to feel the unconditional love you might be longing for before giving it to someone who desperately needs it. Make the commitment to act now and share with someone who will support you in prayer.

PERSONAL APPLICATION AND COMMITMENT:

[Your Objective: See God at work through these principles in your life everyday. Pray to be like Him in relationship to others.]

Reverence for God gives a man deep strength; his children have a place of refuge and security.

Proverbs 14:26 (Living Bible)

The five principles we've just examined are what God does with us everyday. He wants us to practice them with others: accept their uniqueness; affirm their value; trust them with responsibility; correct without condemning; and love unconditionally. There are two keys we need in order to practice godliness in relationship with others:

  1. Commit your life to Christ - If you haven't taken this step yet, do it now. He's waiting for you.
  2. Ask God to help you change - If necessary, ask your kids to pray for you. Admit past failures. Humility is almost always met with acceptance. Seek support from others who can relate to your situation.

God hasn't told us relationships are easy or without cost. Are you in a relationship that leaves you frustrated, discouraged, worried, disappointed, hopeless, or broken-hearted? Consider what Christ did for you. He understands and is waiting to help.