Raising G-Rated Kids in an X-Rated World
10 Actions Kids Need From Caring Adults, Part 2
August 29 - September 2, 2005

Parents want to be good parents, but all of us inevitably mess up. In learning how to raise G-rated kids in this X-rated world, it is too easy to focus on the negative impact of our culture and not focus on the impact of our words, our deeds, and the example we set as parents. Our words can build up our kids' confidence or destroy their hope. To raise kids who have confidence, character, convictions, competence and compassion, we must use tactics of hope. Kids need encouragement, role models and discipline. Parents must always be conscious of the power of words to either build up or wound our kids. If we qualify our kids with modifiers, such as shy, or lazy, they can develop those traits. Parents often use language that is either shame oriented or performance oriented. We need to look beyond performance and see our kids' behavior and say positive things about it, even where some correction is required. Kids are going to fail a lot, just as parents are going to fail. None of us is or can be perfect. As imperfect as we are, parents will still be role models for their kids, either good or bad. To be good role models, we must model integrity. Our kids will only have integrity if we do. We need to acknowledge our mistakes and apologize when appropriate. One of our major jobs is to pass on our faith to our kids. To do that, we must deepen our faith and let our kids see our faith in action. Discipline can be a tough task for parents. Biblical discipline is loving guidance, not angry punishment. Discipline and love go hand in hand. Our discipline must be delicate, wise and tailored to the child. We should remember that kids are ours to raise but they are God's handiwork.

MONDAY

4. ENCOURAGEMENT.

[Your Objective: To emphasize the power that words have in the encouragement of our kids.]

What does Proverbs 12:18 tell us that can pierce like a sword?

  • What kind of impact can reckless words have on children?
  • Words can shape a person's life. Why are positive words of encouragement so important?
  • Why might negative words directed toward others be easier to recall than positive words?

What two types of people are described in Matthew 12:35? What words are associated with each type?

  • It is thought that our brains process both physical and emotional damage just the same. As Christians and as parents, how can we guard against harmful words springing up from our own deep hurts?
  • To encourage our children, we must see it - say it positively. What are some good ways to encourage this positive outlook in our own lives? In the lives of our kids?
  • We must also say it - beyond performance. While we do not want to cause our children feelings of shame, performance oriented praise can make kids dependent on approval. Other times, parents might be at a loss how to bring positive words to a very negative situation. What examples can you think of that would be performance oriented? What might one say to give praise in a negative situation?

Ministry (Ministry) - People influence children either positively or negatively. If Christians are admonished to encourage others in ministry, how much more must we encourage our own kids? Our children need us to be fully present and fully alive! Actually, they need our interest more than our approval. Think of ways you can be more aware in choosing careful words of encouragement. Which youngster can you influence positively this week?

TUESDAY

5. ROLE MODELS.

[Your Objective: Recognize that kids need godly people in their lives. Understand how to be good examples for the children in our lives and how to surround them with positive role models through church and the friends we choose.]

What does God test in 1 Chronicles 29:17? What pleases Him?

  • We are called on to model integrity. What happens to integrity when children see adults stringing together a series of little fibs or "white lies"?
  • Admitting a wrong and apologizing show that perfection is not required. Having a heart that seeks to do the right thing is required. How can modeling these things help kids develop integrity?

Read Deuteronomy 6:5-8. Who are we to pass the commandments to and when are we to talk them?

  • To be good role models you must deepen your faith. Why do kids need to see their role models putting their faith into action in addition to talking and teaching about faith?
  • How can the expectation of being perfect parents with perfect kids be intimidating to both parents and kids?
  • How can parents "pass the baton of faith" to their children?

Fellowship (Membership) - Studies show healthy kids, no matter what social or economic conditions they come from, have other significant adults in their lives loving, encouraging, and providing positive role models for them. How can you involve your small group, your church and other godly friends as positive role models for the children in your life? How can you be a role model for the children of your friends, relatives, and neighbors?

THURSDAY

6. DISCIPLINE.

[Your Objective: Learn the importance of disciplining children with the appropriate ways according to the Bible.]

Who does the Lord love and a father correct according to Proverbs 3:11,12?

  • Often we discipline our children when we are angry. Why can this be more harmful than helpful?
  • Review Hebrews Chapter 12:4-12. Learning from this, what are some ways we can discipline children like God disciplines us for long term positive development?
  • Biblical discipline is guidance in love. How could can we focus on guiding our children in love instead of reinforcing a mistake or sin they may have committed?

Read Proverbs 29:1. What does the rod of correction provide?

  • Operating in extremes; too much or too little harm children. What changes can we make to assure that we are in control and not using extremes when disciplining children?
  • Our upbringing and influences from discipline that might have scarred us often mirror our own ways. What are some changes we can make to break the chain of that impression and become better parents?
  • Why is it important to think of the potential consequences with long term effects in discipline?

What does Ephesians 6:4 say you should not do to your children?

  • Discipline must be delicate with words and actions. What are some examples how to be delicate?
  • When we discipline, we must be wise and think carefully about the impact. What are some ways to grow in wisdom to learn more about the correct methods of disciplining?

Discipleship (Maturity) - Sound and effective parenting includes appropriate discipline. It's not harsh, but rather wise and delicate while under control. All parents have made mistakes while disciplining. There are no perfect parents. What are the areas where you need to grow in the area of discipline? Identify them and make a commitment to change with the help of your small group.

The big idea - Children are the handiwork of God and if they understand that, they won't be carbon copies of this X-rated world. When we, as parents, feel that we don't have any more to give and are insufficient, we need to remember that God is more than sufficient and will help us to raise His kids for His kingdom.

FRIDAY

PERSONAL APPLICATION AND COMMITMENT:

[Your Objective: Identify ways to improve as parents to meet God's plan for our children.]

This week, each day make at least one encouraging statement to your child. At the end of the week make a list of what you said and what your child's reaction was. If you have to discipline your child this week, write down what you said and whether you said it in love or in anger. Reflect on whether your statement was shame oriented or performance oriented and pray for God to guide you to use loving words with your child. Have the group pray for the parents in the group to be encouraging and to discipline in love, not anger. Also this week, identify and take one step to model your faith for your child. It could be ministering to others with your child, discussing the Ten Commandments, praying together or reading a passage of Scripture together.