Rebuilding Your Life When You've Lost Everything
September 12-16, 2005

I (Nehemiah) said to them, 'You know full well the tragedy of our city. It lies in ruins, and its gates are burned.

Let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem and rid ourselves of this disgrace!' ... Then they said, 'Let's start rebuilding!'

So they began to work hard.

Nehemiah 2:17,18b (NLT, NCV)

It is a fact of life that we cannot live without loss. Few things are more certain than the reality that we will all face major losses throughout our years. There will be 'storms' of stress and 'floods' of failure; we will certainly face grief and tragedy. After a major physical disaster, there are three stages of recovery: rescuing people (typically several days), restoring services (typically several weeks), and rebuilding, which can take years. In the Bible, the entire book of Nehemiah deals with the subject of rebuilding. A physical rebuilding effort is always harder than building something the first time because of the cleanup and recovery required, and the same is true when rebuilding a life after a major loss. When disastrous losses occur we are tempted to ask "Why?", but such questions are unanswerable - we simply don't know. What we really need is encouragement, not explanation: instead of asking "Why?", we need to ask "What can I do now? What is my next step?" In this discussion, we will address the question of what to do when you have lost everything after one of life's inevitable storms causing physical, emotional, spiritual, or financial disaster.

STEPS TO REBUILDING YOUR LIFE AFTER A MAJOR LOSS

MONDAY

1. RELEASE YOUR GRIEF.

[Your Objective: Examine why we hold on to our grief and learn ways to let it go.]

What does Psalm 18:4-6 say to do when in distress?

  • In devastating situations, why isn't our reaction always to turn to God first? How can we remind ourselves to do that?
  • Why do we sometimes resist turning to God?

Why does Psalm 62:8 say we should pour out our hearts to God?

  • Has there been a time when you poured out your heart to someone who didn't stick around to help?
  • How is releasing your grief more beneficial than denying it?
  • How does unnecessary grief get added when we dwell on our grief?

TUESDAY

2. RESIST BITTERNESS.

[Your Objective: Resist bitterness by accepting what cannot be changed; focus on what's left, not what's lost; play it down and pray it up.]

Hebrews 12:15 talks about bitterness. What does it say bitterness does?

  • How can failing to accept the unchangeable make us more bitter?
  • Why do some people choose to stay bitter?
  • Why do we tend to focus on what we lost rather than what we have left?
  • How can prayer help with our bitterness?

Discipleship (Maturity) - Eventually in life we will stand face-to-face with an unexpected stressful situation. Initially, our body and mind will become tense. If we include God, we tend to relax and make better decisions. And if we remind ourselves that we have free will, choosing to be happy and not discouraged, He will help rebuild our lives. When a stressful situation arises up this week, consciously make those choices and notice the new opportunities that arise.

WEDNESDAY

3. REEVALUATE YOUR LIFE.

[Your Objective: Reevaluate your life to assess the best ways you can serve other believers.]

According to Luke 12:15, by what standards should we not measure our life?

  • If we measure our life by what we possess, how should we expect to feel when we lose all our possessions?
  • What are some non-material things in life we possess?
  • How can we use our possessions to minister and serve others?

What does 1 Timothy 6:7 say that we can take out of this world?

  • What things in life do we sometimes prioritize above meaningful relationships?
  • How can you better serve the people in your life whose relationships you value?

According to Matthew 16:26, what can one lose in trying to gain the whole world?

  • What things in life do we often hang onto as if they cannot be taken away from us?
  • How can we find real security in a relationship with God?

Ministry - Take some time this week to reevaluate your life, possessions, relationships, experiences, and talents. Considering these points, assess the best way you can serve other believers and meet a need in your church family. Discuss how you feel about being involved in one of your church ministries, and what next steps you need to take.

THURSDAY

4. RECEIVE HELP FROM OTHERS.

[Your Objective: Get connected with other believers so you can receive help from them in times of need.]

According to Romans 12:5, what makes up the body of Christ?

  • Why do some people resist letting others get close enough to help them?
  • After a great loss, where are some places people turn when they need support to rebuild their lives?

Fellowship (Membership) - We need more than our own power when we are rebuilding our lives - we need God's presence, power, and people. If you have not done so already, find a church family and get committed. Discuss how you feel about a small group where you can fellowship and gain support in times of need, as well as provide support to your small group members when they are in need. What is your next step regarding this kind of support?

5. RELY ON THE LORD.

[Your Objective: Understand the five benefits of relying in God.]

1 - Peace: What does the Lord give to those that depend on Him in Isaiah 26:3?

  • What does it mean to depend on the Lord?
  • How does the peace of God help us get through difficult times?

2 - Hope: According to Psalm 62:5 what happens when the psalmist trusts God?

  • How does hope help us rebuild our lives?
  • What kind of hope does God give us? Why is this better than other kinds of hope?

3 - Courage: According to Psalm 3:3 what does the Lord give the psalmist when he passes through difficult moments?

  • How can we avoid feeling overwhelmed in hard times?
  • Why does God ask us not to fear?

4 - Wisdom: Where is wisdom found according to Psalm 16:7?

  • How can we find God's wisdom in times of trouble?
  • What are we to do in order to live wisely at all times?

5 - Power: Where does power and strength come from according to Isaiah 12:2?

  • What does it mean to trust in the Lord?
  • How does the Lord give us power when we trust in Him?

Worship (Magnification) - The Lord gives us peace, hope, courage, wisdom, and power. What is our appropriate response to Him? How can you remember to respond this way when you next face a crisis?

FRIDAY

6. REFUSE TO BE DISCOURAGED.

[Your Objective: Learn how standing firm in God can keep you from discouragement in your life.]

According to Luke 21:19, how does Jesus say we will gain life?

  • What are the things in life that most discourage you?
  • What are some changes in your life you may need to make to "stand firm?"

7. REACH OUT TO OTHERS.

[Your Objective: Identify the three ways you can reach out to others who are hurting.]

By Praying: According to 1 Samuel 12:23, what is the consequence of failing to pray for others?

  • What is one practical way you can remember to pray for others each day?
  • How did it feel when you knew someone was praying for you, and that prayer was answered?

By Giving: Read 1 John 3:17. What does it say about the person who sees his brother in need and fails to act?

  • What are some steps your group can take to reach out to the needy in your community?
  • What are your biggest fears in reaching out to the needy? How do you think these fears can be minimized?

By Serving: What law of Christ does Galatians 6:2 describe?

  • What are some practical ways we can fulfill this law?
  • What are some of the things preventing you from obeying this law?

Evangelism (Mission) - Evangelism have many different faces, including praying for the lost, giving sacrificially to meet the needs of your community, and serving those less fortunate than you. Begin by spending a few minutes in prayer for the unsaved: that you would have a heart for them and that God would begin to work in their hearts. Next, think of some practical ways you can give - whether financially or practically, such as food or clothing. Finally, pick a day when you will visit a needy community in your area. Consider partnering with a church in that area who can guide you to the best way to serve.

SATURDAY

PERSONAL APPLICATION AND COMMITMENT:

[Your Objective: Identify each person's individual rebuilding challenge and focus the prayers of the small group on each person's situation.]

What is the biggest problem you need to recover from right now? Has there been physical or emotional stress in your life or the life of someone you are supporting? Are you dealing with any crisis of health, finances, career, or relationships? Take a few moments to share with others in your small group whatever life rebuilding challenge you are facing now. Have you committed your life to Christ and told Him you will trust Him for directing the rest of your life? If not, stop and do that now. Consider your progress in the seven rebuilding steps we have discussed here: which of these have you addressed, and which do you need help with? Choose one that is especially challenging for you, and let the small group pray for you and with you for help with that step.