Lighthouse Baptist Church
and Christian Academy

The greatest satisfaction in relationship is making others happy. You will never find happiness by simply looking for it. The more you look the more frustrated and disappointed you'll become. Selfishly seeking your own enjoyment yields nothing but unhappiness.

Mature love involves growing from a state of receiving much and giving little toward a state of cheerfully giving everything and demanding nothing in return. A maximum relationship involves giving 100 percent, no matter what the response is.

Give away your life; you'll find life given back, but not merely given back - given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity.

Luke 6:38 (Msg)

When your love is mature, you will be concerned not only about having your needs met, you'll be equally intent on fulfilling those of your spouse. Whenever those seem in conflict with yours, mature loves sees the needs of the other person are more important than your own.

Mature love is taking your spouses feelings and opinions into consideration when making decisions.

Mature love is willing to sacrifice. When you truly care about your spouse's happiness, security and development, you will be willing to back up your love with actions.

The Best Model of Mature Love is Jesus Christ

And here is how to measure it—the greatest love is shown when people lay down their lives for their friends.

John 15:13 (NLT)

I've told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature.

John 15:11 (Msg)

Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. [2] Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.

Ephes. 5:1-2 (Msg)

Your love is mature when you care more about the relationship and your spouse than your own desires. It is mature when common goals and values become priority with both of you and when winning and proving yourself right cease to be important.

A critical indicator of mature love is the level of respect and reverence you show your spouse. In a mature relationship this reverence and respect will be mutual. If respect and reverence are not present in a relationship, love ceases to be love and becomes merely self-seeking passion.

Respect is shown by giving your spouse freedom to grow and mature. Respect says "You're O.K. and I admire you the way you are." Respect encourages the one loved to be genuinely himself or herself and to grow and develop, not for the sake of serving the spouse, but simply for his or her own sake.

Reverence is an attitude of high regard for another that contains no hint of exploitation. Mutual esteem protects the marriage from being victimized by the inevitable ups and downs it will encounter.

Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, Doesn't have a swelled head, [5] Doesn't force itself on others, Isn't always "me first," Doesn't fly off the handle, Doesn't keep score of the sins of others, [6] Doesn't revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, [7] Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.

1 Cor. 13:4-7 (Msg)

Love is the action that is consistent with the will and character of God and which, motivated by the character of the lover and the need of the loved, acts without regard to the personal cost for the benefit of another. It is only at the cross that you can see such love, and any definition of love apart from Calvary will be inadequate.

Mature love stops demanding to have everything your way. You will put no conditions on your love and put the interests and desires of your spouse before your own.

Life Application: Replace the word LOVE, in I Corinthians 13:4-8 with your own name.

Three Kinds of Love

Love if - You and I give or receive this love when certain requirements are met. Your motivation is basically selfish and your purpose is to gain something in exchange for your love.

Love because of - This person is loved because of something he/she is, has or does.

Love without conditions or condition less love - This love says, "I love you in spite of what you may be like deep down inside. I love you no matter what would change about you. I love you. PERIOD.

This love is not blind. It can know fully your spouses shortcomings and faults, yet it totally accepts that individual without demanding anything in return. You can't earn this kind of love and you can't turn it off. It has no strings attached.

Mature love is characterized by unconditional or more realistically condition less acceptance. Not only is it spouse centered, but it gives you a desire to accept your spouse just as they are, and not for what they can become or how they can be changed in the future.

Mature loved is no more and no less than fully wanting to "get what you see."

One of the greatest tests of love is whether there is pain in being separated from the one loved, and an increase in joy in the presence of your spouse and a longing to be together when you're apart.

Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.

John 17:24 (NIV)

Mature love rejoices in togetherness and that joy doesn't diminish after a few days. In fact, it increases so much that you want to block out of your mind the day you have to separate.

Mature love can make the choice to be apart, although it may not be easy.

True love doesn't make remarks which mock, make fun of, or demoralize your spouse. Mature love manifests itself in a protective attitude. And if negative remarks occur, mature love will immediately repent and ask forgiveness.

If your love is mature, you will think of your spouse first, and you will want to protect your spouse in public as well as in private. When your spouses' happiness, security, and development have become as important as your own, you will want to shield your spouse from any harm.

The ELEVENTH COMMANDMENT OF MARRIAGE says "Thou shalt not let anyone criticize thy wife to thy face and get away with it." Protecting your mate doesn't mean you are blind to your spouses shortcomings and faults. It does mean, shielding and protecting your spouse from both verbal and physical abuse.

If you do not believe that your mate is taking responsibility in your relationship, you will never be able to give yourself totally to that person.

Anyone giving up a set of responsibilities must, if he/she cares about others, feel some guilt for forcing change... the guilt should not stop you from living your own life; it should only stop you from unnecessarily hurting the lives of others.

If your mate doesn't consistently demonstrate responsibility, you will always hold back in the relationship and never be totally trusting.

Where love is, you no longer say 'I', but 'you'; I am responsible for you and you are response for me.

Without responsibility, a marriage union is merely two self-centered individuals entering into a self-centered relationship.

If anyone doesn't take care of his own relatives, especially his immediate family, he has denied the Christian faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

1 Tim. 5:8 (GW)

Mature love says, "If I'm not with the one I love, I'm going to wait." Sacrifice is the mouthpiece of commitment. You know your mate is committed when he/she is willing to sacrifice on your behalf, not only by what he/she says, but by what is done.

Unless you are sure that your mate is committed to the relationship and is willing to sacrifice for it, you cannot abandon yourself to your spouse as God intended. You will always be holding back. And you'll be robbed of the intimacy and oneness in the relationship you were designed to enjoy.

A number of studies now demonstrate that a fulfilled marriage is a growing, changing relationship. These studies indicate a couple's relationship will pass through four basic stages of growth.

1. Stage One: Spouses are typically self-centered, looking only at how the relationship can serve them.
2. Stage Two: Spouses negotiate a service for a service, a concession for a concession. [couples get stuck here]
3. Stage Three: Spouses begin to appreciate each other's individuality and make accommodations for the good of the marriage and each other.
4. Stage Four: Spouses have evolved a set of 'rules of the relationship' by which they can avoid or deal with problems.

If you have a love that is basically unconditional - a love that accepts the other person as is, yet encourages improvement - you're going to have growth. Add to this a commitment to the relationship and a trust factor that leads to meaningful, intimate communication and you have dynamic growth. This growth leads to deeper feelings and greater caring on the part of each spouse.

My Real Secret: SEEK TO IMPROVE YOURSELF AND SEEK THE BEST INTERESTS OF YOUR SPOUSE.

I have thought much about your words and stored them in my heart so that they would hold me back from sin.

Psalm 119:11 (Living)

Do what God says is right for you. In Matthew 25, Jesus said "The righteous are His followers, who give of what they have, who reach out to recognize the needs of others and meet those needs, who accept and forgive with open arms."

Dear Jesus,

Put in me the same love that I get from Jesus. That I will give of myself no matter what the response is, that I will show my spouse respect and reverence and love [you put in your spouses name], and show that I have great joy in [you put in your spouses name] presence and long to be with [you put in your spouses name], I will protect my spouse in public and private and take on responsibility with my family, finances, health, and children and will demonstrate my love by my commitment to improve myself and seek the best interests of my spouse. In Jesus' name.