Adolescent Identity
Adolescence Series, Part 1

God said to Moses, "I AM WHO I AM."

Exodus 3:14 (NKJV)

For I am the Lord, I do not change

Malachi 3:6 (NKJV)

God does not change, but human beings do and are created to change!

When Jesus came to earth, he was both human being and God. He went through the same developmental and life stages that you do.

Jesus continued to grow in body and mind, he grew also in the love of God and of those who knew him.

Luke 21:50 (Phillips NT)

He's (Jesus) been through weakness and testing, experienced it all - all but the sin.

Hebrews 4:15 (MSG)

God says you discover your identity and purpose through a relationship with Jesus Christ.

[11] It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, [12] part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.

Ephesians 1:11-12 (MSG)

To have an adult identity:

  1. I must explore and experiment with a variety of roles
  2. I must compare myself to others
  3. I must start identifying with other people like me

If you haven't found your identity yet, what should you do?

God says in Isaiah 46:3-4 (NCV) "I have carried you since you were born; I have taken care of you from your birth. Even when you are old, I will be the same. Even when your hair has turned gray, I will take care of you. I made you and will take care of you."

1. Realize God totally accepts me

Unconditional love can be defined as total acceptance of ourselves or another person without qualification, reservation or limits of any kind. Unconditional love is allowing the freedom for others to simply be. There are no conditions or restrictions attached to unconditional love. Unconditional love can only be experienced when we are giving it away and feeling joined in oneness with others.

[4] But God's mercy is so abundant, and his love for us is so great, [5] that while we were spiritually dead in our disobedience he brought us to life with Christ. It is by God's grace that you have been saved.

Ephesians 2:4-5 (TEV)

2. God loves me as I am in every stage of my life

An adolescent goes through eight life states, each defined in terms of a development task that he/she deemed crucial for that period.

Eight Life Stages

  1. Beliefs about things
  2. Career dreams
  3. I can help conceive a child
  4. Being an American
  5. Male or Female
  6. My way of life
  7. Liking who I am
  8. A sense of knowing where I'm going

Here's the point - the more a person values a new role, the more it becomes part of his/her identity.

  • You start to distinguish between who you are and who you are not.
  • You start recognizing your family and friends act different than you do, because you still act like a child and you want to be like them, so you decide to change.

You do the same thing when you start learning about God

The first time God spoke to your heart and you sensed his love, you noticed a huge difference in how much love you give to others and how much He gives to you.

God says His love is extended with no expectations. It means you're under no obligation to return His love or to change in anyway. But if you want more of His love, God will show you the way.

Jesus said in John 17:263 (NLT) "The world will know... and understand that you love them as much as you love me."

3. God watches over me while I go through these stages

The Lord's eyes see everything; he watches both evil and good people.

Proverbs 15:3 (NCV)

4 Levels of Identity status

  1. Identity diffusion: your adolescent is not actively exploring or committing to adult roles and values.
  2. Identity foreclosure: your adolescent has committed to specific goals, values, roles and beliefs without thinking it through.
  3. Moratorium: your adolescent is considering different points of view and experimenting with various adult roles but has not yet made a final decision.
  4. Identity achievement: After investigating a variety of adult roles, they have committed to a life plan.

When an adolescent seriously questions who they are, they have an identity crisis. They say things like:

  1. "I'm not like them"
  2. "I don't like me"
  3. "Will they still like me"
  4. "Why am I even alive"

The more a person develops reasoning skills and a desire for independence, the more they understand who they are.

Know who you are!

  1. Your true or private self - Who are you deep down inside, the real you, your true feelings
  2. Your ideal or desired self - Who you would like to become
  3. Your possible or future self - Who you could become
  4. Your false or presented self - Who you want people to think you are
  5. Your public self - How other people really see you
  6. Your dreaded self - Who you are afraid of becoming

What things do I need from others to reach adult identity?

1. Give me positive attitudes of unconditional love

  • I accept you as you are today.
  • I freely give you my unconditional love
  • I will always love you - no strings attached!

2. Constantly express unconditional acceptance

"I love who you are without condition, although I do not always approve of your behavior."

3. Model a life of surrender to God for me follow your example

Give yourselves to God... surrender your whole being to him to be used for righteous purposes.

Romans 6:13 (TEV)

Surrendering to God is the heart of worship. It is the natural response to God's amazing love and mercy.

God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him.

Romans 5:8 (MSG)

The more you model a life of surrender to God, the more you become the person you were created to be.

Surrendered hearts show up best in relationships.

  1. You don't edge others out,
  2. You don't demand your rights, and
  3. You aren't self-serving when you're surrendered

Genuine surrender says, God I don't understand what's going on in my life. If this relationship problem is needed to fulfill your purpose and glory in my life, or in someone else's, please don't take it away!