COURTSHIP AND DATING
Adolescence Series, Part 4

  1. What precautions can an adolescent take to avoid having problems on a date?
  2. What's the difference between being friendly and flirting? Why can flirting be dangerous?
  3. Where would an adolescent go on a date if he/she wanted to have problems with temptation?
    • Partying where there is drinking alcohol or taking drugs
    • Alone in a car on a dark road
    • To a boyfriends or girlfriends house when the parents are gone
    • To a sexually explicit movie
  4. Where could a person go on a date where an adolescent would likely not have any sexual pressures?
  5. On a date, what constitutes sexual harassment?
  6. What can adolescents do to develop healthy relationships?

GOD'S STANDARD OF DATING

1. God says I should date the right person

You are not the same as those who do not believe. So do not join yourselves to them. Good and bad do not belong together. Light and darkness cannot share together... The temple of God cannot have any agreement with idols, and we are the temple of the living God.

2 Corinthians 6:14-16 (NCV)

You say "O' but with this person I want to date, is different. I just know that I'm going to be able to lead him/her to Christ.

It's never right to do wrong in order to get a chance to do right! You are living in disobedience to the Lord if you are dating an unsaved person. Lead them to Christ first then, consider dating them.

Never, Never, date an unsaved person. Just don't do it.

You say, "Well what if they are religious but not a Baptist." This issue is not denomination, but relationship. Do they have a relationship with Jesus Christ.

I wrote you in my earlier letter not to associate with those who sin sexually... I am writing to tell you that you must not associate with those who call themselves believers in Christ but who sin sexually, or are greedy, or worship idols, or abuse others with words, or get drunk, or cheat people. Do not even eat with people like that.

1 Corinthians 5:9-11 (NCV)

Teens, set your standards high in regard to those you date. Just because a person says they are saved doesn't mean a thing unless their life backs up their profession. Don't settle for anything less than someone who loves the LORD.

THE TOP 10 SIGNS SOMEONE IS INTERESTED IN YOU

10. They seem interested in anything and everything you have to say

9. The way they talk to you

8. They frequently show public displays of affection

7. They frequently try to talk to you

6. They compliment you a lot

5. They flirt with you - flirting is not about winking or how you look, it's the art of making people feel special

4. They ask a lot of questions about you

3. They try to spend as much time with you as possible

2. They frequently call you

1. The way they constantly look at you

The top 6 pick up lines are:

  1. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again
  2. Look at the tag on their shirt and say, Just as I thought, made I heaven
  3. Do you have a map? I just got lost in your eyes
  4. Can I have a band-aid? I scraped my knees when I feel for you
  5. I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away
  6. If you were a hamburger at McDonalds, you'd be a McGorgeous

How do you know if you are in an Intimate relationship:

  1. Knowledge: Your adolescent shares their histories, preferences, feelings, and desires that they don't reveal to most other people.
  2. Caring: Start feeling more affectionate for someone else.
  3. Interdependence: What each adolescent does now affects what the other adolescent wants to do and can do.
  4. Mutuality: Your adolescent recognizes the overlap between their lives and think themselves as "us" instead of "me" and "I" to "us."
  5. Trust: Your adolescent expects their intimate friend will treat them fairly and honorable.
  6. Commitment: Your adolescent expects their friendship to continue indefinitely, and they invest the time, effort, and resources that are needed to realize this goal.

2. God says I should date with the right approval

Children, you belong to the Lord, and you do the right thing when you obey your parents. The first commandment with a promise says, Obey your father and your mother, and you will have a long and happy life.

Ephesians 6:1-3 (CEV)

Teens, you need the approval of your parents. Anytime your parent's feel that it would not be best to date a certain person, if would be wise to listen to Mom and Dad.

If you will not listen to your parents, God says...

Pay attention to what your father and mother tell you. Their teaching will improve your character.

Proverbs 1:8-9 (TEV)

It is foolish to ignore what your parents taught you; it is wise to accept their correction.

Proverbs 15:5 (TEV)

Adolescents need romantic relationships to learn about relationship:

  1. Trust
  2. Commitment
  3. Self-disclosure
  4. Dependency
  5. Power

They don't need romantic relationship to learn about sex.

Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.

Hebrews 13:4 (MSG)

So, you are not loyal to God! You should know that loving the world is the same as hating God. Anyone who wants to be a friend of the world becomes God's enemy.

James 4:4 (NCV)

3. God says I should date with the right motives

Live a life filled with love for others, following the example of Christ, who loved you and gave himself as a sacrifice to take away your sins. And God was pleased, because that sacrifice was like sweet perfume to him. Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God's people. Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes-these are not for you.

Ephesians 5:2-4 (NLT)

Obey God in everything and always do what is right, whose words are true and sincere, and... do not slander others... do no wrong to their friends nor spread rumors.

Psalms 15:2-3 (TEV)

What influences a romantic relationship?

Physical attractiveness - you assume good-looking people are more likeable, better people than those who are unattractive. Physically attractive people are judged as more likely to be:

  • Kind
  • Strong
  • Outgoing
  • Nurturant
  • Sensitive
  • Sexually warm and responsive
  • Interesting
  • Poised
  • Sociable
  • Exciting dates
  • Better character

Physical attractiveness is the single most important influence on early attraction.

Some adolescent boys put pressure on girls by saying:

  1. What's wrong with you?
  2. If you really love me, you would have sex with me?
  3. I won't go out with you unless we have sex
  4. Everybody does it
  5. You owe it to me

A mother of a 17 year old said [1991], I would never dream of sanctioning my child's premarital sexual behavior by letting him have sex in my own home, yet, I allow sex in my home as a way of protecting my child. Once I accepted my child's sexual activity, whether I liked it or not, it allows me to keep track of my child's sexual partners.

God's plan is to make you holy, and that entails first of all a clean cut with sexual immorality. Every one of you should learn to control his body, keeping it pure and treating it with respect, and never regarding it as an instrument for self-gratification... The calling of God is not to impurity but to the most thorough purity, and anyone who makes light of the matter is not making light of man's ruling but of God's command. It is not for nothing that the Spirit God gives us is called the Holy Spirit.

1 Thessalonians 4:3 (Phillips NT)

Pray:

Adolescent: God I want to keep your standards of dating. Help me to date with the right person, with my parents approval, and with the right motives.

Parents/Grand Parents: God help me to talk to my adolescent [grand daughter/grand son] about dating: How to find the right person, and date for the right reasons. Help me to explain my expectations and God's commands in a way that will help.